Divorce mediation process guide
What to expect in divorce mediation, step by step.
Five steps, from the first call to your agreement in writing. Here's exactly what happens at each one, what a 3-hour session looks like from the inside, and what to bring.
- Private calls first. Each of you, alone, before any joint session.
- One prepared 3-hour session. On Zoom, after the private calls and intake.
- $1,695 per person, flat. Calls, intake and session included.
4.9 from 292 Google reviewsBy the Flannel People Mediation team. Updated October 2026. General education, not legal advice. Flannel People Mediation doesn't practice law, give legal advice, or prepare court documents.
- 1Free 15-minute call
- 2A private call with each of you
- 3Written intake
- 4Joint session
- 5Your agreement in writing
- 5 steps
- from first call to a written agreement
- 1 session
- 3 hours, prepared
- 4.9 stars
- from 292 Google reviews
- On Zoom
- all 50 states + DC, AI translation available
The short version
A structured conversation, run by a neutral mediator
Divorce mediation is a conversation between two spouses about everything the divorce has to settle. The mediator doesn't decide anything, take sides, or give legal advice. You two make the decisions.
My job is to keep the conversation organized, make sure nothing gets skipped, and help you put what you agree to in writing. Your mediator is Ryan or Kate McLaughlin. More on how we run divorce mediation in Minnesota.
Watch: what actually happens in mediation
The process
The 5 steps of divorce mediation
Three short steps of preparation, one session, and the agreement. The prep is what lets the session go to decisions.
- 115 minutes · free
Step 1: The free 15-minute call
A fit check, not a sales pitch: where things are, whether you're both willing to try, and whether anything, like safety concerns, makes mediation a bad idea. Sometimes one spouse calls first; that's normal. - 2Separately
Step 2: A private call with each of you
Before you're ever on a call together, I talk with each of you alone: what you're worried about, what matters most, what will be hardest. It's also where I check, privately, whether either of you feels pressured or unsafe. If joint mediation isn't safe, we don't do it. - 3Homework
Step 3: The written intake
You each fill out a written intake and gather the numbers: income, accounts, debts, the house, retirement, and the kids' current weeks. It's the part that makes the session work. Gather what you can, note what's missing, and we'll sort out the rest. - 43 hours · Zoom
Step 4: The joint session
One prepared 3-hour session on Zoom, topic by topic, with private breakout rooms when a moment needs it. It sounds long; with the prep done, it goes faster than people expect. - 5In writing
Step 5: Your agreement in writing
A written summary of what you agreed to, for each of you to review with your own attorney if you choose. It isn't a court filing, and I don't prepare court documents.
Inside the session
What three hours on Zoom actually looks like
Each of you joins from your own device, in a private room. Here's how a session typically goes.
Agenda
Because of the intake, I already know the topics. We agree on the order, usually starting with something you're close on, to build momentum.
Topic by topic
Parenting schedule and holidays, decisions for the kids, the house, retirement, other property, debts, support, insurance.
Breakout rooms
If a moment gets stuck or heated, I meet with each of you separately in a private room, then bring you back together.
The practical transition
Who moves when, what happens to the car, how bills get paid in the meantime. Then we read back what you've agreed.
Disagreement is normal.
You don't need to agree on much walking in. You need to be willing to talk honestly and listen.
Nobody is forced.
Either of you can ask for a break, and either of you can stop.
Not finished? You'll know.
If something isn't settled, I'll tell you plainly whether it needs another sitting before anything else is scheduled.
“His preparation process was unique and led to a more successful experience than with other mediators. I was grateful for his non-judgmental stance and ability to reflect what he was hearing and observing.”
“Ryan was helpful in answering questions and explaining the process and to my surprise we finished in one session and are both feeling ready to move forward!”
“Kept us on track and did his best to help us get everything completed in one session.”
Checklist
What to bring to divorce mediation
Don't worry about having everything perfect. Gather what you can, and note what's missing.
- Your completed intake
- Recent statements: bank, retirement, credit, and the mortgage if you have one
- Pay stubs or recent income information
- Your kids' current calendar, if you have children
- A quiet, private room, headphones, and a charged laptop
- A short list of what matters most to you, and what you could live with
Charged laptop
Headphones
A break plan
Expectations
What it doesn't look like
People often expect mediation to look like court, or like couples therapy. It's neither.
There's no judge and no verdict.
It isn't therapy.
Nobody argues your side for you.
It isn't a fight to “win.”
After mediation
Where the court fits, in Minnesota
Mediation helps two people reach an agreement and put it in writing. The court handles divorce filings and final orders. Here's the general picture in Minnesota, from primary sources.
Family cases and ADR
The neutral's role
Approval without a hearing
Timing
General information about Minnesota rules and statutes, not legal advice about your case. Outside Minnesota, your state court's website explains how filing works where you live.
Time and cost
How long it takes, and what it costs
1 session
3 hours, prepared. The pace mostly depends on how quickly you both finish the intake, and on scheduling. How long it takes.
$1,695
Per person, flat, covering the private calls, the intake and the session. Court fees and any attorney you hire are separate. Full cost breakdown.
50 + DC
On Zoom in all 50 states and DC, with AI translation if English isn't one spouse's first language. In-person options may be available on request, for an additional fee. Online mediation.
Safety
When mediation isn't the right call
If there's abuse, coercion, threats, or one spouse is hiding information or won't participate in good faith, joint mediation may not be safe or useful. That's why the private calls come first, and either of you can stop at any time.
If you are in danger, call 911.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
FAQ
Divorce mediation process: FAQ
Educational information only, not legal advice. Flannel People Mediation provides mediation services and does not provide legal representation.
What happens at a divorce mediation session?
The mediator runs a structured conversation, topic by topic: parenting, the house, retirement, debts, support, and practical details. The spouses make the decisions. When it helps, the mediator meets with each spouse in a private breakout room. At the end, the agreements are put in writing.
What are the steps of divorce mediation?
With Flannel People Mediation: a free 15-minute call, a private call with each spouse, a written intake, one prepared 3-hour joint session on Zoom, and a written summary of what you agreed to.
How should I prepare for divorce mediation?
Complete the intake, gather recent statements for bank, retirement, credit, and mortgage accounts, bring income information and your kids' current schedule, and set up a private room with headphones. Make a short list of what matters most to you.
Do we have to agree on everything before mediation?
No. Disagreement is normal. What matters is that both of you are willing to participate honestly and work through the decisions.
Does the mediator decide anything or give legal advice?
No. The mediator is neutral, doesn't decide anything, and doesn't give legal advice or prepare court documents. Each of you can have your own attorney review the written agreement if you choose.
How long does divorce mediation take?
With Flannel People Mediation, the plan is one prepared 3-hour session after the private calls and intake. Timing depends on how quickly both spouses finish the prep and on scheduling.
What happens after mediation?
You each get a written summary of what you agreed to. The court handles divorce filings and final orders. In Minnesota, the Judicial Branch's divorce page explains where to file and notes that a divorce can take several months to become final.
What does divorce mediation cost?
At Flannel People Mediation, $1,695 per person, flat, covering the private calls, the intake, and the 3-hour session on Zoom. Court filing fees and any attorney you hire are separate.
What if one of us feels unsafe?
Joint mediation may not be appropriate. Each spouse speaks with the mediator privately before any joint session, and either person can stop at any time. If you're in danger, call 911.
Sources I checked
Primary sources for the court side of the process, read October 30, 2026. General information, not legal advice.
- 01Minn. Gen. R. Prac. 310 (ADR in family law matters)Family cases are subject to ADR, with exceptions for domestic abuse, contempt, some public-agency support cases, and prior impasse.
- 02Minn. Gen. R. Prac. 114 (court-annexed ADR, Code of Ethics for neutrals)Which cases are subject to ADR, how the process and neutral are chosen, fees, confidentiality, and the Code of Ethics (Rule 114.13).
- 03Minn. Stat. § 518.13 (default, findings, approval without hearing)Default when a respondent doesn't appear, how the court finds irretrievable breakdown, and when a decree can be approved without a final hearing.
- 04Minnesota Judicial Branch: Divorce/DissolutionResidency (180 days), where to file, and the courts' note that a divorce can take several months to become final.
Keep reading
- Online divorce mediation on ZoomHow it works for couples in all 50 states and DC.
- What a Minnesota divorce costsFiling fees by county and flat-fee mediation.
- How long divorce mediation takesWhat sets the pace, and what slows it down.
- Child custody mediation in MinnesotaBuilding a parenting plan the two of you agree on.
Next step
Ready to see if it fits?
A free 15-minute call is the easiest way to find out. Rated 4.9 stars from 292 Google reviews.